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Zombie Survival 101

In The Event Of A Zombie Attack Poster

Zombie attacks can happen anywhere at any time. There are tens of thousands of humans infected with the Z1D1 virus in North America alone and more are being bitten and turned every minute. It is important to know these simple steps to help you survive a potential attack by a zombie or a zombie horde.

1. Avoidance

The simplest way to survive a zombie attack is to avoid them all together. Zombie infestation zones exist in nearly every major city in the US and Canada. These infestation zones are blocked off and contained by the Zombie Enforcement Agency, the federal body responsible for zombie externmination and containment, but often the undead have a way of slipping out (or humans slipping in trying to find a shortcut across the zone). Remember the rule of 100, stay at least 100 ft away, 100% of the time!

If your location becomes overrun with zombies, it is rendered uninhabitable. It doesn't matter if its your home, or just temporary shelter, you have to leave. Relocate to another location or to a designated rescue station in your area within two hours of infestation. Chances of survival decrease by 5% for every hour after the two hour mark due to the increase numbers of the undead entering the zone.

DO NOT ENGAGE ZOMBIES! You may think that just because they are slow moving and apparently dim witted that zombies are easy to kill, thinking this is a grave mistake. Zombies have a thirst for human flesh and they often hunt in hordes, what you can't see CAN and will hurt you. You may be able to eliminate one or even a handful of walkers, but know that a larger horde will soon follow.

REMEMBER, the Z1D1 virus is transmitted by bodily fluids and most commonly transmitted by bites from the infected. Do not handle dead or decapitated zombies, doing so puts you at risk of infection. If you come across the remains of expired zombies, please call the ZEA hotline at 1-800-ZOMBIES to have them dispatch a cleanup and disposal team.

IF YOU ARE BITTEN by a zombie,you only have a manner of minutes before the infection spreads throughout your body. Apply pressure to the wound and inject yourself with the Z1D1 virus blocker antidote contained in the syringe in your zombie bite kit, failure to inject yourself within 10 minutes of exposure to the virus will render you incurable. If you do not already have a zombie bite kit on hand, please visit your local rescue station to recieve your kit.

If you are bitten, immediately watch for signs of infection, this includes hives around the bite wound, high fever, and a metal like taste in your mouth. If you start to experience these symptoms immediately remove yourself from the human population and if possible, terminate your life. If you are around a wounded individual that expires after being exposed to the Z1D1 virus, vacate the premises immediately or terminate the subject as described in the next section.

2. Termination

The ZEA (Zombie Enforcement Agency) strongly recommends that all zombie exterminations be handled by a professional zombie cleanup and disposal team. If the infected subject is contained with no means of escape please call the ZEA hotline at 1-800-ZOMBIES to dispatch an extermination and disposal team.

ONLY proceed with this step if it is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY TO YOUR SURIVIVAL, and if you are in a secured location. Before engaging the infected, be sure that you have identified them as infected. Remember, many crack whores, winos and impulsive drunks also show the same symptoms of Z1D1 infection, but are not actually infected!

To effectively kill a zombie (and make the undead, dead) you must use the cerebral neutralization method. A blunt force, decapitation or bullet to any part of the body other than the brain will only slow a zombie down, not exterminate it. When possible, use a weapon that allows you at least 6 ft of distance from the infected, whether this be a pistol, rifle, shotgun, cross bow or a long spear like device. Hand to hand combat with an infected subject is strongly discouraged as this increases the possibility of infection ten fold. If all you have available is a sharp knife or sword, target the side of the skull where the bone is thinnest and deliver the fatal blow to ensure the infected will expire.

3. Disposal

ZEA mandate #Z607.12 states that all expired zombie remains must be handled by licensed and trained zombie cleanup and disposal personnel.

If you have exterminated a zombie do not handle the remains, as the virus is still active for up to 24 hours after death. Call an authorized zombie cleanup and disposal team and report the location of the recently departed. A zombie disposal unit will be dispatched to the location of the remains and deliver it to the closest ZEA authorized incineration facility.

For More Information About The ZEA - Zombie Enforcement Agency - Check Out The Zombie Truck

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